Know-brainer : No-brainer – Series Part 1

One day, a shishya (disciple) named ‘no-brainer’ finally met his Guru ‘Know-brainer’ after a lot of search and meditation. ‘No-brainer’ was very inquisitive and ‘Know-brainer’, realizing this, decided to answer some of his disciple’s questions. This Q&A, which would happen over a period of time would be represented as a series.

Here is the first part of the series (Shishya’s questions followed by Guru’s answers) –

1) Guruji, Why are desis in the US intent on debating American politics, get involved in heavy-duty discussions about who is going to be the next American president, watch Fox/CNN/MSNBC for the latest update on different campaigns – when in fact, none of the policies any of the presidents make affects them? Why is there an obsession to discuss American politics when they don’t have the right to vote, and even more embarrassing, they refuse to discuss/acknowledge the political happenings back in India?

ANSWER: Shishya, your question is culturally significant. Culturally and historically, we are known to be very self-centered and apathetic. As you sow, so you reap. Desis in the US lead very…erm…for the lack of a better word…interesting lives. Most of their life runs around pooling money to buy a house and subsequently pay EMIs for life, paying health and car insurance, paying heavy tuition fees for their kids and in general, lead a very dynamic life in making ends meet till their end. In such situations, an outlet for frustration in terms of discussing totally irrelevant, the inconsequential and highly insignificant is of paramount importance to the desi. To answer your second part of the question and since pithiness is in order in this world of infinite information, the singular answer is ‘ghar ka murgi daal barabar’.

2) Guruji, why is there a misplaced sense of the term ‘terrorism’ in India. I understand that in the US, the way things work, the logic is pretty clear – if you work for the US, you will be deemed a freedom fighter while working against US would coronate you with the word ‘terrorist’. However, what I am not able to understand is, in India, if a youth fires randomly on someone due to some frustration, he is branded a terrorist. In the same breath, ransacking railway stations, bringing the govt. to a halt and throwing stones at police is not terrorism. Is this a way of the world?

ANSWER: Shishya, you have asked a very important question but it has a simple answer – an answer which all Ph.Ds are aware of. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research. Similarly, one death is a tragedy and a million a mere statistic. I can go on and on, but again the rule of pithiness stops me. You should understand that our society does not allow individuality, does not allow us to challenge things and situations individually. We are a democracy – where opinion of 100 fools is more correct than of one genius. I see your frustration – but this is not Timbuktu. This is the Republic of India, funnily having a multi-party democracy and comical things such as these are bound to happen in a country where Times of India is read widely, Vijay Singh is a celebrity (golfer from Fiji, mistaken to be Indian because of the name) and Mamata Banerjee is a leader of a party.

3) Guruji, what is the harshest lesson that can be taught to Gilchrist after he insulted Ten’gul’kar in his autobiography, ‘True Colours’? And why do people have to resort to cheap publicity like this to gain sales? The backlash has been severe. What are the lessons to be learnt from this episode Guruji?

ANSWER: Shishya, you are touching upon very important questions today. There is Bollywood to the rescue of the Indian cricket fan like you and to the peril of Gilchrist (fondly called Gilly). Gilly, instead of just playing in the gully tried to steal the thunder from Mr. Cricket. Well, for starters, I think you can telecast Saawariya and God tussi great ho all across Australia on Saturday and Jimmy and Shabd on Sunday. That would serve as a ย lesson, not only to Gilly but all Australian fans and cricketers who plan to write a biography or a autobiography or any graphy. Ideally, most of them would be dead by Saturday night but any remaining folks would certainly be killed on Sunday. That would take care of Gilly. The lesson to be learnt, my dear Shishya, is to be daring, cunning, controversial while writing a book or otherwise – it pays, in bounty, to have cheap… publicity!

4) What is your message on the eve of Diwali Guruji?

ANSWER: Like life, my message is very simple Shishya – be healthy, wealthy and lead a prosperous and happy life. Don’t buy real estate, sell stock and hoard cash. Things are going to get worse before they get better. Value-buying is being bitch-slapped right now in all TV channels and newspapers – but who knows what ‘value’ is in this grim economy, which is supposed to get worse (with such news trickling in). Become an anti-consumerist for some period of time. Hold your expenses, and invest in yourself and be happy throughout your life. That, my dear shishya brings us to the end of our session today.

Wish you all a happy and prosperous Diwali! ๐Ÿ™‚


3 comments so far

  1. Procrastinx on

    Sooper. I was wondering why few (famous) Indian blogs had very long posts and full coverage of the US election race. Now you have cleared my doubt.

    Dhanyudanu guruvaryaa

  2. Kiran on

    @Procrastinx – Haha, thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ Some desis are as passionate about these US elections as Cricket – you should see some heated discussions here. You will start to wonder whether they had a right to vote (which then justifies these discussions!)

  3. […] (Part 1 of this series here) […]

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