Aha moment!

We all have had our Aha moments; something akin to Archimedes ‘Eureka’, though with the clothes on (hopefully!). Yesterday’s Aha moment was somehow special.

I never understood the term ‘love’. People – neighbours, friends and relatives spoke eloquently as well as disparagingly about this term called ‘love’ – unconditional liking is love, love is infinite, there is nothing called love, strength of love, love is blind…and so on and so forth. I, for one, could never get to terms with what it exactly meant. There have been times in my past relationship(s) that I have said ‘I love you’ – although I didn’t understand completely what it meant. I used the phrase in flippant moments, intense moments or just as simple as saying goodbye. I specifically did not know where like, love and lust draw their lines – for me, they were completely blurred.

However, during my sojourn in the blog world yesterday, I came across two quotes which gave me the clarity that noone else could in the past –

The first one –

“Thus love can make us disregard most defects and deficiencies, and make us deal with blemishes as though they were embellishments-even when, as Shakespeare said, we still may be partly aware of them:
When my love swears that she is made of truth, I do believe her, though I know she lies.”

The second one, by Richard Feynman, in a totally different context –

“That was the beginning and the idea seemed so obvious to me that I fell deeply in love with it. And, like falling in love with a woman, it is only possible if you don’t know too much about her, so you cannot see her faults. The faults will become apparent later, but after the love is strong enough to hold you to her.”

When I read, re-read and again re-read the two quotes to-gether – it was all apparent to me. I was so overjoyed by the amount of clarity it provided that I immediately pinged couple of my friends who were online with these two quotes, and they agreed completely (or the cynic might read the quotes as ‘Don’t deceive yourself, stupid!’ But, we’ll ignore him for the purposes of this blog). Now, when I atleast have the clarity (if not the complete understanding) of the term, and I look back at my past, everytime I used the phrase ‘I love you’, I realize that I well and truly meant it with all my heart.

Onto some introspection – I undertook the world-famous Myers-Briggs test some time back. In that particular test, the result was that I think more with my head than with my heart. In simpler terms, I believe and trust more in logic than emotions. That is very true – I get convinced most of the time through cold logic, but hardly through emotions. And till yesterday, I believed that there is indeed a separation between ‘thinking with your head’ and ‘thinking with your heart’. I was told earlier that ‘love’ is meant to be emotional, your heart is involved etc. etc. I was convinced, and yet for a predominantly ‘thinking with head’ person like me, I wondered how come I was in love. However, after today’s Aha moment, I realize that this ‘thinking with head’ vs ‘thinking with heart’ is a bunch load of bullcrap (no offense meant to Myers-Briggs). However, to be fair to them, I think the distinction only kicks in when there is no clarity. Lack of clarity in personal or professional lives leads to the distinction (and hence the research) of predominantly ‘thinking with head’ or ‘thinking with heart’. Lesson learnt: Try achieving clarity in every aspect of life – the dilemma of head vs heart disappears on its own.

So, there – my ‘Aha’ or the Archimedes ‘Eureka’ – might be obvious to many but definitely enlightening to me. [and yes, I  took an example of a very narrow definition of love.  I can expand the similar concept to parents, relatives, close friends etc.]


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