Converstaion with ‘They’…Err…’She’…no…’They’!

Of the many stupid moments and conversations I have been involved in over the past 25 years, some stupid moments stand out – for the sheer ingenuity and willingness to be ‘bakraofied’, some decisions I have taken to be involved in these stupid moments can be classified as stupefyingly stupid, if not downright insane. (Four ‘stupids’ in one paragraph – my English ma’am would never forgive me 😉 )

Now that some of my guy friends have got married, I get a chance to meet them only with their wives (don’t ask me whether that’s fortunate or unfortunate), say for lunch/dinner at some restaurants. I tend to avoid meeting them if some other friend is not joining me; that is, I try as hard as I can to make the number of people at the table to be 4, rather than 3. Being human, I am incapacitated sometimes, and inspite of my best efforts, such hard work proves futile. I have to end up being the sole 3rd member – which unfortunately at a lunch party sometime back I ended up being one, with a friend of mine (R) whom I have known for 7 years. They were married for a month now, and deciding to meet them as the 3rd member was well…..Anyways, proceeding to the conversation:

The couple is referred to as ‘They’ (although… it was ‘she’ most of the time – typical family I guess – I have a saying, Two bodies, one voice – hers -> and this couple was a personification of that!)

Me: Heyyy, how are you guys doing?!

They: Very well, how are you?

Me: Am doing very good

Me: So, how was the honeymoon n all? And what is this small party ya?!

They: Honeymoon was fantastic…and dude, you didn’t come to the reception – it isn’t our problem exactly you know.

(and that’s probably the last time I heard the guy, my friend…really speak, except for a few nods and some ya’s here and there!)

Me: Haha…true! Caught up with some office work and blah and blah dude – typical stuff you know. Anyways, how was the wedding?

They (yeah…to be fair, it is just ‘she’ from now on): Ohh…wedding was fantastic…with all the jewelery and food and lots of relatives! You should have come – it was just awesome…it’s a incredible experience you know!

Me: (silently, nope…I don’t know) Jewelry, food and RELATIVES…dude, was it that good? (with a wink here!)

They: (she again…my friend has resigned himself to fate) – ohhh yeahh, 3 day function with Sangeet, dance n all…we have captured everything on the video, you gotta see it once!

Me: (whoaa! Save me O Lord! if you had know this, you surely wouldn’t have said that!) Sure thing…absolutely, I will make it to your house to watch the video as soon as I am vexed with my work (or rather life I should have said! 😉 )

They: Yeah, sure! That would be a good break…You know what, your friend S accompanied us to this trip to Essel World – he was great fun!

Me: Yeah…sounds great! What did you guys do?

They: Ohh..we boarded many rides…and we as a couple have photographs of almost every ride!

Me: Ohh, I see…so basically, S was your photographer! (added) heheh (so that they don’t feel bad!…and I was thinking I was the bigger fool…S…I tell ya!! 🙂 )

They: Hahah! (and their smiles turned weird…and my friend got the hint…but too late, he was totally powerless in this slugfest)

Me: (Ah! She understood the sarcasm. Now, we can talk about American politics, Global warming and exhaust the remaining 30 min and then rush out of here!)

They (don’t you forget, its only ‘she’ – ‘They’ is just a misnomer): You know, your friend likes North Indian and Chinese a lot.

Me: Oh really! News to me…dude, I hope you haven’t changed suddenly 😉 (He was my friend for 7 years, it’s just been a month with you dear! Ah! I forget, wives are supposed to know more about their husbands than their husband’s long time friends! Apologies!)

They: Yeah! We have been to almost every Chinese and North Indian restaurant in the area – We are just learning cooking, you know!

Me: Hahah…yeah, I agree (and I stare at my friend – he is just giggling out of helplessness rather than anything else!)

They: And your friend is an avid orkutter, and he really likes the sitcom ‘Friends’

Me: Ohhh, really! R, you never told me that (and me winks again – and he is like, dekhlungaa betaa, tujhe dekhlungaa!)

They: And he really seems to know things about dresses – I mean, his selection of my sarees, and other dresses exactly matched my preferences!

Me: (Holy crap! Where is my dessert?!) Ohh, that’s fantastic! You guys are just made for each other from birth I guess.

They: (both giggle off to glory, their eyes locking with each other, seemingly lost in trance of the ethereal world)

Me: Er…umm! Sorry to disturb your privacy…but the bill has arrived (ufff!!)

They: You naughty!! (and R proceeds to pay the bill)

Me: Naughty?!! Wtf!!?

And then, I exit gracefully thanking the host and the hostess for a wonderful and fruitful time spent to-gether, knowing many things about my friend that I already knew and knowing some more things about him (like his silence, for one) that I never knew!

Aarrgghh!!

P.S: How easy it is to think ‘that poor R, he has got such a dominating wife?!’ – Nope, she was just too talkative, and compared to R…wayyy too talkative. And mind you, most of the couples I encounter nowadays are like this only (that is, ‘they’ and ‘she’ are interchangeable) (except for the fact that I ensure there is a 4th guy/girl around) – So, nope, all you couples out there – don’t you take a higher moral plane 😀

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7 comments so far

  1. M on

    LOL and ROFL!!

    Two bodies, one voice – hers! = Priceless 😀

    Holy Crap, where is my dessert?! – LOLL! Hilarousss!!

  2. The Dark Knight on

    Rofl… brilliant stuff man !!

  3. Kiran on

    @M, @The Dark Knight – Thanks ppl! 🙂

  4. […] Kiran gets caught with a newly-wed couple and is subjected to a lot of information apparently unknown: […]

  5. Sudipta Chatterjee on

    Have been reading all the posts below on the front page, and I’m a fan already! 🙂 Do keep writing!!

  6. Kiran on

    @Sudipta – Thank you so much for your kind words! And thanks again for linking me to BlogBharti! 🙂

  7. Manasa on

    lol… Good one 🙂


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