Keep ‘Marriageable’ off your radar!!

40000. Yes, 40000. No, I am not mentioning any salary figure – those were the number of marriages conducted on a single day around a week back in one particular state in India. 40000!! I mean whatttt!! Mind-boggling is not the word. However, number of marriages on a particular day is not the subject matter of this blog.

The statements made pre-marriage (just before and after engagement but before marriage) and post-marriage (till 6 months after marriage) is!!
Over the years, I have learnt quite a few pearls of wisdom dealing with ‘marriageable’ (pre and post) people – and I felt it would make immense sense to share these with my dearest blog readers.

1) I met this friend of mine (a girl) at a multiplex. She came along with some guy I didn’t recognise (a first-time meet). After exchanging the usual pleasantries of ‘Hi’s and ‘How are you’s, she moved in for the kill.

She: So, this is my fiancée Amit.
Me: Hey Amit! Nice to meet you!
She: So….
Me: So… (still didn’t get the clue, I was waiting for her to start/end some topic)
She: So….(desperately rolling her eyes, screaming silently)
Ah…I pick the clue, albeit a trifle too late!
Me: Hey!! Both of you look lovely to-gether. You make a great pair.
She: Ah!! (smiling with vanity) That’s nothing. But anyways Thank you Thank you.

That was it. I had to push off before the next ‘So…’ 🙂

2) I still can’t fathom why people getting married (and immediately after marriage) state the obvious ever so often. Am still amazed. Few examples to substantiate.

a) He/She: We are both so happy being to-gether. He/She makes me so happy, we are perennially on a laugh riot. So comfy with each other you know.
Me: Oh..that’s great!! (To myself: if you weren’t happy/comfy to-gether then you would have got divorced or not got engaged at all – you silly!!)

b) He/She: So many things change post marriage you know. I thought that I would never change for that one person coming into my life. I am glad I was proved wrong.
Me: Ha ha ha! (To myself: Why the laugh, I have no idea! They just expect this reaction. Probably I was just laughing at his/her foolishness of feeling vain in proving themselves wrong. How stupid! Ha ha ha!)

c) He/She: It is like we were made for each other. Both of us were like ‘Why didn’t we meet each other before?’ types. It’s so much fun you know!
Me: Ha ha ha! That’s very interesting! (To myself: What’s interesting…Don’t ask! And No, I don’t know. And why didn’t you meet each other before – that is because you had to hammer(bore) me with this statement and many more statements to come. That’s why!)

3) Also, I still can’t understand why they don’t get literal and state the obvious in certain situations – say like what happened during honeymoon? Why? No clue. Probably it was too boring, and that is why they don’t want to share it. However, I am all ears to hear this OBVIOUS part, although it’s boring – all my time, all my ears to it…No, Seriously :)!!

4) Never ever enter these ‘marriageable’ people home(whether they be friends/relatives, anyone for that matter). They will either kill you by

– Showing you different types of dresses/jewellery/why they chose one wedding card over another/food items for marriage (in pre-marriage scenario) or
– Submerge you with reams and reams of wedding photographs with ‘So…how is this photograph? The lighting was not proper, no?’, ‘So…how are we looking in this photograph?’(post-marriage scenario)

You get what I mean. So…AVOID by all means.

5) One common, most common statement I have heard (and got terribly bored over the years)

He/She: You know why there are so many rituals, functions during marriage…mannn, it’s so tiring.
Me: Ya! (And before I finish my short yet sweet syllable)
He/She: And that is why I guess divorce rates are much lower in India. Who in their right mind would want to go through all the trouble (all functions/rituals) all over again. Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha (If I don’t cut him/her off, they would continue the saddd joke and their laughter to infinity)
Me: Yes, Yes..completely agree…the customary laugh…Ha, ha and a ha…So, when you knew that there were so many rituals/functions, why didn’t you opt for a register marriage…so easy and simple, you know…and by your logic, you can get married again and again (A wisecrack indeed…or so I thought)
He/She: A wry smile (didn’t know what to say; they somehow seem to change the entire marriage topic after that statement…still wondering why! ;))

Those were a few of my encounters with ‘marriageable’ people. I know it is a never-ending topic, but then I am not yet in the ‘marriageable’ category (if you get the drift ;)). Not just yet. And if you thought that knowing all the above, I would not be making such stupid/foolish statements and not state the obvious when my time comes – you are very wrong. I am a firm believer in compound interest and I shall have my REVENGE (if you know what I mean, Beware!!) :))


5 comments so far

  1. Arunima on

    awesome post 🙂
    lately i too have been a victim or pre and post marriage talk by a friend…yukk…wonder why sane intelligent people lose it when the M word comes into play…

    could be something to do with conditioning and our great society…

    couples who dont indulge in such talks I have oft found a pleasure to be with and most secure in their relationships…

  2. Kiran on

    Thankus 🙂

    Guess it’s more to do with vanity than conditioning – society though playing a very important role!

    Completely agree with your ‘couples who don’t indulge in such talks’ point – no doubt about it!!

  3. Lee on

    Surely a factoid … ‘M’ changes ‘M’any things !!!!!

  4. Aarti on

    Hey kiran… if u call this boring u should hear two newly married women speak abt thier respective marriages… and how one tries to convince the other that she is more happier than the other…
    or how “my husband is better than urs”… somthing like “tumhari safedi meri safedi se behtaar kaise”
    i too plead guilty… coz been there, done that 😀

  5. Kiran on

    @lee – You bet!! ‘M’any is an understatement 🙂

    @aarti – Nothing can beat experience I say!! But having known you – I totally know what would have been going on at the back of your mind during the ‘safedi’ conversation!! LOL!!!

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