Archive for June, 2007|Monthly archive page

Ladies, Women, Girls!! Uffff!!!

Statutory Warning: Feminists, please stop reading this blog right here. Further reading might cause feelings of extreme hatred leading to various forms of obnoxious behavior – especially breaking off into Dharmendra’s dialogue “Main tera khoon pee jayoonga, haddi pasli ek kar doonga”; please spare the effort and close the window right away.

First things first, I am not a MCP – kindly take that thought out. In fact, I respect and adore the fairer sex to the extent possible and firmly demand that they should be treated as equals and blah and blah. This blog is just an observation on their wonderful and graceful demeanor and antics – in fact, I am so overwhelmed writing this blog that right now if a lady was in front of me, I would shoot her (obviously with my camera, silly ;))!!

The rough estimate of different types of antics by women is infinity. However, to save blogspot and hence google, I shall restrict them to a measly number. Read on and you would know how LOGICAL their antics are –

Shopping: Another synonym for Ladies; invented by man for his basic needs and utilities, abused by women for everything else!
One of my cousins is a shop-freak (and by corollary, deduction being she is a girl). She shops for everything and anything. She has a huge wardrobe – with different types and varieties of clothes. Last heard, her Excel ran out of the standard number of rows and columns to handle her wardrobe – she was migrating to SAS. Just can’t understand – shop for x (x generally > 3) hrs and buy one dress; shop for x hrs and buy something you already have; shop for x hrs and buy
something you would never need; last but not the least, shop for something because it would be useful in the future – approximation of future being tomorrow or 10 years later!!

Statements: Slowly entering the dangerous arena!!

‘You won’t understand!’ Boyyyy! One of the most dangerous statements and when this one comes out of a woman’s mouth, you better shut down your work and plead her to make you understand (you would never understand anyway, but atleast put up an act!! if you don’t, well…the less said the better!!) An ominous utterance – ignorance to the same is fatal. Implore her and find out what is wrong, else hmmmm!!

‘Never mind, It’s Ok!’ – It is NOT OK and you bloody well get down on your knees and explain why and how things went wrong with her. Ranks high up on the list of menacing expressions which essentially means that you (you as in you and me, the guys) have to cajole her, take her out for dinner, probably discuss some women-oriented movie and how women should be empowered – then, then maybe just maybe she would become normal again.

Questions: THE MOST dangerous area of all!!

‘Ms. Y was looking beautiful in that black gown, no?’ – Now the answer should entirely depend on the age of Ms. Y. Little toddler/teenager or a woman over the age of 40 – rattle all the best and positive statements you ever knew. Start off with ‘Completely agree with you. She was looking so graceful and pretty etc etc’. If she is in her mid 20s, YOU DO NOT HAVE a correct answer for that question. Try faking a panic attack in your right ear – ear-splitting pain and
you are not in a situation to hear what she was saying. Try asking her whether she can just let you cool off till the ear comes back to normal state. If the question is asked again, Repeat the procedure prescribed above, probably with a different organ.

‘How is my dress?’ – She is actually asking you whether you went weak in your knees after you saw her in that dress; That is not a question, IT is a statement and you better answer it in one of these ways ‘The dress is very nice, suits you very well’ or ‘You suited the dress than the other way round’ etc etc. NEVER EVER answer in a negative tone – it will only be answered by a shrug, a demeaning look and a ‘You won’t understand’!! πŸ™‚

‘Do I look fat?’ – The dreaded statement of all, dreaded by men all over the world, scarier than Darth Vader or Veerappan – nothing can go right when this question is asked, just resign to yourself that it is a bad day. Don’t even try a wacko ‘Where?’ – she would write you off as the dumbest human being on planet Earth. Try diverting her attention to something else and avoid answering the question. A ‘Yes’ would lead to a certain murder and a ‘No’ would make her wonder whether you were blind. I have worked out different ways of answering this question (Warning: Does not work 95% of the time, I just utter a few words under my breath and take it as a bad day) ‘You look beautiful anyway’, ‘The dress is sooo pretty, you have a wonderful taste’ with very very limited success results.

See, it is sooo simple to understand women – wonder what all my wisdom personified ancestors were thinking when they said ‘You can never understand women!’

Uh! ‘They won’t understand!!’ πŸ™‚

P.S – With all due respects to the fairer sex who have read till this line (which essentially is the end of this blog) – a big thank you. This blog was not meant to disparage or make fun of your antics. It was just an appreciation of your wonderful, yet profound thought process. We just can’t live without you (under my breath, neither can we live with you!!)

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Sivaji…First Day, First Show!!

There are the usual spectacular and brilliant movies and then there is Sivaji! The story is as old as our Independence, yet the delivery, larger-than-life screen presence and of course Rajnikanth make the movie more than worthwhile to watch (even this is an understatement)!

My blog was never meant to publish any movie previews or reviews and this particular entry too is not one. This blog is about watching a Rajni movie First Day, First Show (FDFS) – driving 90 minutes from Nottingham to Birmingham and back just to watch Rajni’s movie FDFS; about standing in queue for more than 15 minutes inviting shocking stares from the cinema assistants (who were Brits) as to what the craze is all about; shout, scream, whistle and scatter papers whenever Rajni does a stunt or cracks a dialogue – movie meant to be enjoyed the way it is meant to be – it wasn’t a movie, it was an Experience.

If you can ignore the gravity-defying stunts of Rajni – the story is awesomely believable. It is the usual Shankar movie plot – one man fighting against the corrupt system against all odds. The comedy track is excellent, Vivek is almost unbelievably humourous. Shreya does what she does best – look very very pretty and hot at the same time (feminists,kindly hold your guns – she acted quite well but….!!! ;)) Suman as a villian is one of the shining stars in the movie. Rajni is subdued till intermission – post intermission, it is Rajni’s movie all the way. The last 15-20 mins of the movie prove to all as to why Rajni is such a big superstar – his style, acting, behavior, dressing sense – it just takes your breath away. Doesn’t matter if you have missed the first half of the movie, DO NOT miss the last 15-20 minutes.
The only let down of the music being A R Rahman’s music – it was boring!!

Forget the movie – I watched FDFS of a Rajni’s movie, albeit in a foreign country – am absolutely thrilled with such simple pleasures in life!! πŸ˜€

P.S –
1. This experience did not come without any sacrifices – I had to let go my ice-skating class for the week; but then who cares, I will make up for it next week!!
2. Couple of my friends accompanying for the movie couldn’t understand Tamil and by corollary couldn’t enjoy the movie as much. I did – Thanks mom, Thanks Sun TV :))

Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V, Ctrl+Z!!

Three most commonly used set of keys; personification of a word in English – indispensable; used atleast once in a day by people who use computers; functionality which made the typewriter obsolete; keys which are used from the level of a CEO to a data entry operator and many many more – three most powerful keys, probably without which computers wouldn’t be as widespread as they are today.

Coming to think of it, the entire IT industry in India and the subsequent boom would be in doubt if not for these three keys. Indian software companies typically hinge on concepts (you may call them jargon for colloquial use) like ‘component reusability’ and ‘OOPS’ – terms, which can be simplified as Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V. If a component is misplaced within a wrong component, Ctrl+Z. Hundreds of powerpoint presentations (typically called a sales pitch, consulting document and a program library in ‘conceptual language’) use these three keys probably more extensively than any other set of keys.

Imagine computers without these three keys (I know you can’t and neither can I…but just consider for a moment) – I wouldn’t be able to copy files to another disk (all smart people who want to give me the brilliant idea of drag and drop via mouse, you can forget it – the drag and drop also uses the ‘function’ of Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V), I couldn’t have replicated projects, assignments and powerpoint presentations in my academic life, I would probably have taken double the time to complete documents/projects/proposals – which boils down to one point, the computer in itself would not be better off than a typewriter (Backspace key can just save face, but electronic typewriters have this functionality too!!)

It is funny when I think of it. Three indispensable keys I need when I am at work/study/leisure and I extend the concept to normal life – I don’t need them at all. Would you want to copy and paste some event which happened in the past now or some time in the future? Would you want to undo something that you did in the past? I definitely wouldn’t. Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V..hmm..I really have to think hard if I would want to use it anywhere…probably if I want to relive the event – then yes, but not definite. Ctrl+Z – I definitely think not. One of the most frequently used keys by me on my laptop and one key I would shun if given an option in life today – personal, professional, academic or sports. Would anyone want to – depends entirely on how they lived their life, and have they given it their best shot? You are your best judge.

The more interesting part – if given control of these three keys on someone else’s life, who would it be? Consider it for a moment. Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V is too much of an effort. Probably I would use Ctrl+Z for Himesh Reshammiya’s singing career :P!! Let me know your choice of the key and the person!!

P.S – I thought long and hard about the dependability and complexity of Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V – and whether there is any significance to it. Then I realised that these were thoughts emananting from my convulsive effects of watching Shekhar Suman’s music video and Tushaar Kapoor’s role in Shootout – Apologies πŸ™‚

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