Marriage and its Audience!

One of my acquaintances recently commented ‘When people are happy in life, they have a tendency to ruin it. They do things like getting married.’ I have nothing against marriage though (I am still waiting for a man married for a long time to comment thus :)). It is a wonderful institution of two people promising themselves to live to-gether and blah and blah. Anyways, I do not have a problem with people getting married as long as people don’t expect me to show up with precious gifts and lots of blessings. Blessings, I guess I can, but gifts….hmmm!! During my time in Mumbai, I had friends inviting me for weddings – the wedding card explicitly mentioned ‘Gifts are not entertained. The only gift you give in my marriage is your blessing’. We all know what that means (For the uninitiated, the guards at the Security gate would ensure that you would not enter the marriage hall unless you have a gift in your hand).

That is only the first step. The second is the most dangerous one – Relatives!! Again, these are not close relative, they are far-off relatives and their probing questions. At one point of time, I was made to meet my grandfather’s brother’s second cousin’s son..whoaa!! More so, they interview me as if I am there not to attend a marriage but an UPS interview. I positively think that the latter interview is much more easier to clear than the former. Why, What, When, How of everything and anything. An example conversation I had with one of my far-off relatives at a marriage a year ago –

R – So, what do you do?
Me – I work in the **** **** in Mumbai
R – what is your educational qualification?
Me – I quote mine.
R – For that, you work at **** ****. My son with similar qualifications is working for Deloitte Consulting.
R – Anyways, how much do you earn (the dreaded question?)
Me – I avert the question – ‘Quality of work is more important than how much you earn’ and other management gyaan..people typically quote when they are earning below poverty line salaries.
R – (By now, she has decided that I was good for nothing) So, any girlfriends? I am sure you have one. When you are in a place like Mumbai, you are bound to have one. That is the reason, my son works only in Hyderabad.
Me – Whoaaa!!! I have many aunty. The list would take ages to complete (all this, with a clear wink of course). Anyways, I admire your son working in Hyderabad just not to have girlfriends.
R – (feeling proud) Yes, yes. Do you drink and smoke, I am sure you do…but then, don’t overdo it, ok na?
Me – Aunty, you forgot drugs…and I walk away because I heard a faint call from another far-off relative sitting a mile away.

Another snippet – this time on my dress. I didn’t even know who this far-off relative/friend’s mother was, I met her for the first time in my life.

R – Hey, what is this you are wearing – a black t-shirt and a blue jeans. Black should not be worn during marriages. Go, change and come.
Me – But…this is fine with me, I am really comfortable.
R – No, I am not. Go, go change and come.
Me – My house is quite far from this marriage hall.
R – The marriage is not going to stop if you are not here. Go, go change and come. I will wait for you. We’ll have lunch to-gether.
Me – Whooaaa..aunty, one request.
R – What?
Me – I will change and come. But you continue with your lunch. I have some friends (imaginary!) waiting for me.
R – Ok. Change and come, I want to see the dress you come up with.
Me – Uh!!

Then, you have friends. Long lost friends, friend’s friends turning up, giving a hi-fi for no reason, laughing for the most nonsensical jokes and all of a sudden, there is silence. An uncomfortable silence – at which point you do not know whether to continue with the hi-fis and laughing like you just had puffs of Nitrous oxide up your lungs.

Anyways, lets come to the main event. Food…aah..the wedding, we’ll come to it later. Food, I guess is the most important for most of the guests who have arrived at the wedding. I for one, first look at the menu and the caterers and then come into the hall for the wedding. Lest the bride and bridegroom think otherwise, I ensure that I have breakfast, lunch and dinner during the day of the marriage. I am lucky in the sense that I have a set of friends from diverse backgrounds – Punjabi, Bengali, Marathi, Telugu, Tamil, Kannadigas etc. I get to have a wide variety of food – from alu and paneer mutter to idli-sambar. The success of marriage is decided on food – if food is great, then it was a perfect match. Else, aahh…the couple are good-looking, BUT the food was not that tasty…see what I mean when I say the main event of any marriage is food. No wonder there is so much focus on food.

The actual wedding – more of garnishes and decorations. Bride and bridegroom – I guess the only members in the entire event thinking about the main ceremony. Others are generally busy with showing off jewellery, sarees, sons who returned from US recently, daughters who recently cleared CAT. If not for the above, they can generally be found in the dining hall.

I cannot come to a conclusion about this marriage and its audience topic nor can I stop writing about this. All I can say (a.ka. Bush) is that Marriage is a wonderful institution where two people promise themselves to live to-gether and…………………..and the audience come in to bless the couple profusely in their own inimitable way!!!!


3 comments so far

  1. Procrastinx on

    Ha ha , Nice one. But look at it in a positive sense. Looks like your far-off-aunty and her dellloite-consulting-son have inspired you to join software so that you can come out of poverty 😉

  2. Thomasanderson on

    Relatives.. the one section of homo sapiens u can surely do without, but u are stuck with for eternity!! 😀

  3. […] (silently, nope…I don’t know) Jewelry, food and RELATIVES…dude, was it that good? (with a wink […]

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